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The Low Points of Being Face’s Toon

03 Apr

I woke up to find I was wearing a pink, frilly dress, desperately gripping a bouquet of spring flowers, and wearing all of half of my armor.  A rabbit munched on my ear and gazed at me with… was that longing?  I tossed it aside and sat up.  My head was throbbing.  My mouth was sticky.  I spat, and saw a chocolate egg shell.  What was in those things?

Slowly, I began to recall the previous day.  Marlendra, Riermar, and I were egg-hunting for some weird holiday called Noblegarden.  Something about eggs and chocolate.  I participated for reasons I don’t even understand, and stood for hours on a sign post, picking up eggs as they magically appeared there.  At some point, I put on a dress and began to dance, while many men and women alike kissed me.  I met a rabbit at some point and adopted it.  It had so many children in such a short time, I was sure it was sick!

I held my head.  Was it all a sugary nightmare?  I vaguely recalled strange conversations.  I licked blood, I worshipped a strange chicken god who gave birth to all life in the world, and more.  I flirted with everyone– even the weak.

Slowly, I forced myself from the tiny, straw bed and stumbled out of the inn.  The egg hunt was still going strong, and I felt an insane urge to join in.  I resisted long enough to wash my face, don my armor, and eat some breakfast.

I tried to buy passage elsewhere, but that nagging voice prevented me.from leaving.  I slowly looked back at the town and, with a sigh of defeat, walked to a hidden spot near the smithy, where I picked up eggs and placed them into my portable ice box.  For some reason, I continuously pulled them right back out and stuffed the things into my mouth.  They hadn’t even become cool yet.

Instead of struggling against my fate, I simply accepted it.  Sometimes, I had strange and emasculating urges.  It likely had something to do with the suicidal urges I got when I saw something bigger than I was.  In the end, as long as I gave in, there was no shame: others had the same problems, I learned quickly enough.

Nobody could stop themselves from fulfilling these urges.  We could delay them a few seconds at most, and that led to terrible headaches.  Just eat the terrible cream-filled chocolates, and eventually it would be over.

Eventually, I began to feel ill.  Much of the cream inside dripped down my face onto the ground.  My head was pounding.  I only ate four yesterday!  Today, I ate almost fifty already– every one I picked up went almost immediately into my mouth.  My sharp teeth turned the chocolate into shards that I swallowed.  They were just hard  and sharp enough to leave my throat aching.  People around me conversed, as though nothing was wrong.

Someone commented about my dress, and I made a joke about how he should just kiss me.  He left quickly enough, and people asked. “Weren’t you here yesterday?”

I told them I was, and I joined the conversation between devouring the horrible chocolate eggs.

Someone brought up the strange magic that crossed between dimensions, and I commented that I missed the days that I could go hours on hours, and only ever see people in the capital cities.  They spoke of high-pop and low-pop realms and I was able to join in, even though I understood nothing.  That Urges voice was telling me what to say.

I wondered if it was doing the same to others.  I began to zone out, until I turned into a rabbit when I was picking up an egg.  That shot me out of my daze, and I swore internally.  the Urges weren’t letting me speak on my own.  Something about too many people around.

How strange, that the Urges only began when I was turned into what I am now– an undead knight.  I knew they were different from the Lich King’s whispers, because they often went against my (now) former overlord.

Several times, they forced me to try to attack him alone after I earned my final mark.  Only a secondary force, that I call Law, prevented me from joyously attacking Arthas.  Many times, it stopped me from ending problems before they became unbearable.  It was as though I had to confront a problem where everything was at stake, and not a moment sooner.

Once more, I turned into a rabbit, then back to my own be-dressed form just in time to prevent my pet rabbit from jumping onto my back.  I picked up another egg and tossed it into my bag, then picked up another as the spot was once more ‘refilled’.  A brief break from eating.

As all things, my break ended with two eggs shoved into my mouth in rapid succession.  I felt ready to vomit, but I didn’t much like the idea of drinking myself sick when I already felt disgustingly horrible.

More conversations went on around me, and I ignored them as I simply grabbed and ate every chocolate egg I could find.

Once, in a fit of rebellion, I bit one in half and looked at the cream inside.  It was thick, with no hint of milk or real cream.  It was sugar and water and syrup, and while most of it was ‘white’, some of it was yellow.  It oozed slowly onto my fingers, and I stuffed it into my mouth.  It felt more disgusting than before.

Fel my curiousity!

Finally, I gagged down my hundredth egg, and I was released from the compulsion.  I yanked the dress off and pulled on my armor, then used my hearth stone to go home so I could vomit in privacy, away from prying eyes.  I sent my friends away, and my dog licked my ear as I puked into a bucket.  Nearby, my new pet rabbit chewed at some of my carrots as I tried to ignore its crunching noises.

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